The Basics of Understanding Stress

Stress comes to us all in different ways at different times in different degrees and any number of causes can trigger it. When stressed we feel that we care not in control. We feel overwhelmed.

When that happens, something needs to be done about it. You must do what you can to manage your stress and regain control. But just what is stress? That's what we look at here so you may understand what stress is and how we react to it.

When we feel stressed our nervous system pushes signals to the brain that things are not quite right. It senses danger or a threat. The brain then reacts - often known as "fight or flight" - and hormones go crazy often causing the classic stress symptoms of increased heart rate, faster breathing (gasping for breath), increased blood pressure and more.

Basically this is how the body automatically reacts to anything causing you to feel stressed. It's a signal to do something about it. Unless you do, the stress can spiral and quickly get more serious in turn affecting your health - you may well end up depressed or feeling down for example. And that's never good.

Now we have a basic understanding of what stress is, let's take a look at some of the ways we respond when stressed.

We mostly feel on edge, uncomfortable, perhaps even desperate if the stress is particularly bad. You may feel emotional, frustrated and irritable too because you do not know how to get things back in order again.

This can spill over in to your relationships - partner, family, friends, and colleagues - as they will pick up on how you are feeling and that could affect them in different ways too. Some may offer help, some might simply keep out of your way.

Some people respond to stress by withdrawing in to themselves and distancing themselves from others in an attempt to cope. This can often make things worse and the stress and whatever is causing it remains bottled up inside you. Whereas talking things out with a close friend often is a huge help. A problem shared is a problem halves as the saying goes.

Some people may appear to be cool, calm and collected when stressed in an attempt to hide it. A bit like a duck in water. The duck looks serene going about its business, but underneath it's paddling away. So it may be with a person who reacts to stress by trying to hide it.

The story here is that by having and understanding of what stress is, what causes it and how we react to it differently may help you to deal with it next time you feel stressed and take action to reduce your stress.

You may be interested to explore stress reduction techniques further in more depth. To do that, here is a video course containing nine stress reduction action plan s. It is available on Skillshare and you can access it today by clicking here.

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A Healthier Attitude In Stressful Times

As human beings, we are continually faced with challenges, difficulties and temporary setbacks. They are an unavoidable aspect of being human. By learning how to manage stress and respond with a positive attitude to each challenge, we'll grow as a person and start moving forward in life. In fact, without those setbacks, we could not learn what you need to know and develop the qualities to where we are today.

It is natural to us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness.

The optimistic person, however, knows how to manage stress in difficult situations and soon moves beyond this disappointment. Responding quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being temporary, the optimist responds with a positive attitude, knows how to manage stress and counter the negative feelings by immediately reframing the event to turn into a positive one. Whenever you have a difficulty, immediately reframe it, choose to view it as a challenge, and start moving forward. Challenge is inherently positive. It is something that makes you stronger and better.

The best way to maintain a positive attitude and manage stress is to turn it into an opportunity. When you are faced with a difficulty of any kind, faced with an unexpected opportunity. Neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to yourself positively all the time.

You must learn to manage stress and survive above the difficulties in order to be a better person. Welcome each difficulty and then look into the situation to find the good in it. Start moving forward in life by keeping your thoughts on your goals, dreams, and on the person, you are working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, resolve to maintain a positive attitude, be cheerful, and resist every temptation toward negativity and disappointment. View disappointment as an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser.

It's very easy to be dragged down by the stress and pressure of everyday life. Once you feel really down, it's even easier to stay there, beaten and tired, muddling from day-to-day. The choice to live your life with a more positive attitude is always the right choice. But it is a choice that will take work and time.

Focus on what you do have rather than what you could have, you can decrease the amount of time you spend wishing and increase the time you spend appreciating the things that are happening in your life. But sometimes, this can lead to the things in life becoming mundane and harder to appreciate. Shaking up this pattern should help you to break up the routine and see your life in a new light.

As human beings, stress is a part of life. It is inevitable. What's important is how we respond to those challenges in a different perspective.

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Learning Life's Lessons: When, How, Why

One of the most important life lessons we need to learn is Forgiveness. Conveniently, we are presented with many opportunities to learn that during our lifetime. And stupidly, we almost never learn this lesson soon enough so we can enjoy the rest of life and live happily. We somehow mistakenly think that by forgiving we are doing someone else a favor. In reality, by not forgiving we drink our own poison waiting for someone else to die.

But why? What is wrong with us? Why can't we simply forgive and move on? Why can't we choose happiness over suffering? Quite simply because we want to be right! Effectively, we choose righteousness, any time any day. We'd rather be right than happy.

The thing is, very earlier on we humans develop an ego which sees the world from the perspective of duality. Consequently, the ego becomes a judge. Things are good and bad. They are right and wrong. They are black and white... Now we have a wonderful sense of justice. We dish out judgements left, right and center. This is fair and that isn't. This is appropriate, that isn't... Of course, these are simply subjective opinions based on separation and duality. They are part of the big illusion that our ego supports and bring on huge suffering. But interestingly enough, the ego becomes addicted to this suffering; it starts to indulge the role of the victim. And it does so happily because there is a big pay off in this - the world's injustice and unfairness turns into the biggest and most convenient excuse for everything in life. We are always right, it is never our fault, life and people are just so unfair, hurtful and insensitive. We are the legitimate victim. Granted, we suffer in the process. But oh! It feels so good to be right! It is our right to be right!! And to have an excuse for everything.

Now, you may think that this doesn't apply to you; that you are inclusive, tolerant, patient, compassionate, sweet and forgiving; that you never assert yourself and your right to be right. To test this theory, ask yourself this: Are you experiencing any conflict or stress in your life? Are any of your parents, children, colleagues, friends, exes or current partner pissing you off? Do you get anxious or (passive) aggressive? If you feel conflicted in any way, it is because you feel right and you haven't mastered Forgiveness.

All right, the next question you need to ask yourself is whether you are learning anything while you are feeding the righteous monster inside you. How is this righteousness working out for you? If you are happy, keep doing what you are doing. If you are unhappy and you have had enough of that, time to learn the biggest and most important lesson in life: give up the right to be right (otherwise known as Forgiveness). The sooner you learn this lesson, the happier the rest of your life will be. Conversely, the longer you take to get this, the more "unfair" life circumstances you will encounter so you can learn Forgiveness and move on. The choice is yours. You can suck it up now, forgive and be happy. Or you can continue to feel right and keep increasing your bitterness for as long as you wish. It is actually not a must to learn the lesson of Forgiveness during your life time. You can just as well die bitter and resentful and the Universe has no problem with that (you yourself might, though).

Still not sure? OK, let's look in more detail at the learning curve for the lesson of Forgiveness and its implications. Imagine is a little baby boy. That boy already came with a script, a movie of sorts that he is going to star in during his lifetime and observe at the same time. The movie has already been shot but the boy is yet to extract the morale (the lessons) of the story, the biggest one of which is Forgiveness. To trigger the learning, the script contains scenes of seemingly unjust events: the parents leave the baby alone and he "accidentally" burns a finger on the stove now sporting a scar for life; later on a school teacher accuses him "unfairly" of cheating on an exam and gives him a lower mark than "deserved"; a wife divorces him and "robs" him of most of his possessions... What does our man do? Is he going to be bitter, resentful, play the victim role blaming life's circumstances for his misfortune? Or is he going to be forgiving and live life happily? More importantly, if all of the "unfair" events are on the script, at what point is our man going to learn to forgive and how could that possibly affect the script? We say we are going to attract the same experiences until lessons are learnt. If the boy forgives the teacher for underscoring him, would that prevent the impending unfair divorce?

Actually, learning a lesson doesn't really change the script. It simply alters your experience of it. Hence, the urgency to learn said lesson. All major happenings are already in the movie. For how long they will seem unfair to you (and trigger misery and unhappiness) depends on your observational skills, on your ability to remove yourself from the movie, see things from a neutral point of view and forgive. If you do that in third grace, the rest of the events in your life won't bother you. You won't look at them as something unfair. You won't take life personally. So an "unfair" divorce won't be experienced as a disaster. More likely, you will see an opportunity for growth there pretty quickly - here you are giving most of your possessions to your ex, wow, what a blessing for you to practice detachment and thus initiate happiness from within. Getting rid of what you already have amassed is an excellent opportunity to make room for something new (and better).

However, if you didn't learn forgiveness in third grade, you will have many other opportunities to do so - your movie is full of events that you will continue to observe as unfair until you change your point of view and start seeing them as neutral. The movie is indeed neutral. You are coloring it with your attitude as an observer. Learn to observe neutrally and you will have learnt everything you need to learn.

Importantly, learning is optional and it is up to you to effectuate it. You choose when to snap out of your righteousness. In doing so you won't avoid life's challenging circumstances but you will spare yourself the suffering. Alternatively, you stay the offended observer of your own movie and you sulk until the end. The choice is yours. Things won't change but you certainly can. Remember: pain is inevitable, suffering - optional. You can stop suffering now, all you need to do is forgive.

Vyara Bridgeman is an Advanced Certified BodyTalk practitioner who works with patients from all over the world suffering a variety of physical, mental and emotional conditions. To find out more about Vyara's BodyTalk practice, what her clients say about her, and how she can help you achieve a balanced body-mind, visit: http://www.BodyTalk4Life.com

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How Are You Coping As Lockdown Restrictions Ease?

How have you found these past few weeks of lockdown? It may be that the weeks have seemed like a lifetime and many of us have been finding the loneliness and isolation a real struggle.

Without our normal daily distractions we may have started to realise that we live quite an isolated way of life, going to work then home, perhaps looking after children, maintaining our homes, maybe running a homebased business. Omit human interaction and socialising and it can be quite a lonely way of life.

It's only when something like a global pandemic occurs that we realise how important the incidentials like office banter, coffee mornings, gyms and quiz nights really are. They're not just places we pass through; they provide opportunities to catch up, socialise, discuss problems and enhance relationships.

Now that those restrictions are easing how are you coping with lockdown? Are you ready to revert back to 'normal' or do you need a little time to decide what you want, to readjust and regain your trust in the outside world?

At a time like this it's important to look after yourself, your mental health and do things that invest in a positive mindset, support your wellbeing and make you feel good.

- How comfortable is your home? As we've been spending more time there it's important to continue ensuring that it's a welcome place to return to. We may have used the time well and expended effort in tidying, cleaning and maybe introducing some brightness and colour by way of fabrics or pictures on the walls. All ways that have made your home feel good to come back to. Fresh bedding or a relaxing bath rather than a shower can be ways to treat yourself with more kindness. It's still tough at the moment, so be gentle with yourself. parents or children can become a little fraught if there's no respite and still no clear end to lockdown in sight.

- How have your relationships been at home? Living in each other's pockets, being full-on with a partner, Good manners, consideration and a sense of humour are especially important during these exceptional times. Continue planning constructive ways to spend your time together. Even if you're tired and don't particularly feel like making an effort, remember, home is not only about you. Maybe get the board games out, kick a ball around outside, revisit your music collection or old photograph albums. You may find these times become treasured moments where you enhance your family connection.

- Pay especial attention to mealtimes. Rather than simply grab food on the go or eat whatever's around, instead commit to making more of a feature of your meals, as they may well be the most important part of each day. Ensure that you're eating enjoyable, healthy, nutritious food and look after yourself. And these good habits can continue long after lockdown is over.

- Be wary of drowning your sorrows! Alcohol is actually a depressant and when we overindulge we consume an excess of toxins, hence becoming intoxicated. This then requires our body to work extra hard to clear those toxins out, so causing dehydration, headaches and low mood.

- Have you internet access? Keeping in touch with colleagues, family, friends and social groups online can be a great way of maintaining connections, discussing concerns and minimising loneliness. Many people enjoy skype and zoom calls, sharing photos, tips, support and advice, all valuable ways to feel less alone, especially in lockdown. And it's interesting to see how successful some people have become when they've moved their business to an online offering. Workshops, classes, delicious foods and clothing have adapted well to a home-delivery service.

- Plan for your down time. If you live alone, still plan your reading and TV viewing in advance. It's good to have something to look forward to. Make the most of an evening phone call by settling down with a brew for a leisurely chat with a friend. Treat yourself extra well; those little touches can make all the difference to how well you cope.

- Keeping a journal might be another way to find comfort and support. Record how you're feeling, the thoughts you're experiencing. Note a daily success or achievement and start to remind yourself of your value, worth and accomplishments. Focus on the good things you encounter, the beautiful sunrise, an unexpected kindness and stop discounting or taking these things for granted. It can take a little discipline to incorporate this routine into your daily life, but your journal may gradually start to include photos, pictures and other mementoes, so becoming a friend and making the entries more special.

Remember that everyone's been touched by this unprecedented pandemic. No one's been exempt. Whilst some will been more affected by it than others it's important to be kind both to yourself and to those in your life. Be mutually supportive and as we come out of lockdown appreciate what really matters to you. These tough times can bring with them great insights and inner peace.

Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

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